The Austin Dating Chronicles

Honest is the best policy.

Or is it?

At this point and time, I can’t decide if it is better to say something or say nothing at all. With the technology and power that we hold at our fingertips, it is so easy to block the cold, hard nasty truth out of our lives. It reminds me of the Black Mirror episode “White Christmas,” in which a man and his fiancee get into a heated argument regarding whether or not she should get an abortion. When she goes against his will and decides to keep the child, she ends up blocking him: reducing herself to a blurry static-sounding silhouette. Neither of them are able to engage in conversation and he is never able to see her face alive again.

Isn’t this what evading the truth looks like? Reducing ourselves to static, reducing ourselves to an emotionally unavailable gray silhouette. Our texts going from blue to green; from consistent conversation to silence. Are things really better left unsaid? Are people capable of creating their own closure? Is it better to say something or say nothing at all?

Secrets don’t make friends, but does the truth not create enemies? Ignorance is bliss, is it not? If you say nothing at all, is that considered to be a lie?

All of these questions aside, I matched with someone on Hinge recently who was brutally honest. In part due to his personality and in part due to the fact that he had spent some time in recovery. I appreciated it and enjoyed it at first. It was refreshing and he was cute so why not let the man speak his truth?

Honesty is the best policy, right?

Or is it?

It was great all the way up until it wasn’t. Mind you I matched with this man on Saturday and we had only been talking for 48 hours. I really appreciated the conversation and him wanting to talk to me so frequently, but what I did not appreciate was him sending me a voice memo telling me to “pick up the phone you bitch.” I did not appreciate him abruptly asking me my body count and then saying: “Wow I thought it would have been six people.” (How can someone even LOOK like they slept with a certain amount of people? Asking for myself).

He then proceeds to tell me about how he “went through a phase” in which he had a different girl over once a week. One time, two different girls within the same hour, proceeding to kick one out so that he could have sex with the other as soon as she left. He assured me that he was not like that anymore and who was I to tell him he was wrong? This man is speaking his truth and acting as if our FaceTime conversation was his confessional, clearing his mind of all his filthy sin.

But to be honest? I felt that his past actions and his comfortability in calling me a “stupid bitch” because I had not watched Breaking Bad did not justify that he was a changed man. I wholeheartedly believe he meant me no ill intent and to a certain degree I even still appreciate his honesty. Ultimately, however, I decided to not move forward with this prospect as he was not someone I wished to do business with in the future.

Ultimately I decided to come clean and just tell him. Because I know honesty is best policy for him. I knew the truth would set us both free. I know that this is not the same for every situation and some things are better left unsaid. But for him and I’s sake, I could not leave him hanging. His entire life hangs on by a thread, this single core value that I respect so much: Honesty.

Honesty is the best policy.

Or is it?

Tell me what you think down below 👀